I’m exhausted. Formulating a coherent theme for a post is almost futile. Formulating sentences is practically impossible. Spelling has even less of a chance. Thank you computer gods for creating spell check and auto-correct. But ironically I feel this exhaustion is a good thing.
You see, in the past being exhausted would have been a sign to me that I was simply working too hard and not having enough fun. That I was wasting time on unimportant things (i.e. work). Yes I will admit I used to view my past jobs as unimportant….But this is no longer the case. Partially because I now can recognize different forms of exhaustion (mental, physical, emotional etc.) and partially because I know that being exhausted means I’m giving everything in my life, everything I’ve got and I’m fighting for my dreams.
Right now my exhaustion is mostly mental. It seems you can sleep as many hours in the world as you like but sometimes your brain just can’t catch up. And caffeine, caffeine is both your best friend and worst enemy at this stage… Working weird hours to accommodate the demands of a global role within my company is definitely screwing up my circadian rhythm and I’m doing all I can to make up for lost sleep (without getting fired mind you) but at times you just can’t. And not only am I losing sleep due to this role with my company, but I’m also putting in way more hours than I would have in the past trying, No…MAKING my app and my dream a reality. Building a social media presence. Taking photos. Learning how to edit videos. Making “LostbutMakingGoodTime” a legitimate brand. So all toll, I’m stretched, quite a bit in fact. And I am definitely not elasta-girl from The Incredibles.
But being stretched isn’t exactly something new. When I graduated in 2009 from university, jobs- good, well paying jobs with benefits were hard to come by. 2008 and 2009 were bad years for my age group. The economy had tanked and all of us doe eyed newly christened young adults were in for a rude awakening. It took me almost 4 years from the date of my graduation to land the job I currently have. And before that there were countless shitty jobs that I had to fail at along the way to get where I am. I’ve been stretched mentally, physically, emotionally and definitely financially due to all that. But to be completely honest, despite some weird and awkward shit that’s gone on at my current place of employment, it’s the best job I’ve had. Sometimes I think I’d be a complete fool to leave it. I don’t plan on it for at least a year, and if they tell me I can go and live in Amsterdam or one of the Euro office cities (or at the very least hang out in any of those places for a few weeks) I’ll probably stick around forever!
But in those 4 years from graduation to my current job, I did travel, even when I had to borrow money from my mom. Being in other cultures. Seeing things far older than anything in America. Understanding what other culture value that is different from what we value in America. All of those things left a huge impression on me. And while I’m VERY content with my cozy apartment and nice paycheck, I don’t want to give up on those dreams that traveling filled me with.
That’s why, aside from busting my ass to get the work for my “day job” done, I’m also busting my ass to make this app/website. Not so much for profit. I honestly don’t even know how people profit from apps…. but so that I can share my knowledge with others and make it easier for everyone to travel because, and let’s be completely honest, while some don’t want to travel there are so many more that do but don’t have the means. I am making something that will make it possible. For Anyone.
So with permanent dark circles under my eyes, less than enthusiastic mornings, napping at olympic quality levels and WAY too many dreams about work, I will continue to hustle and accept my exhaustion with open arms because it means, that while right now I may be fighting an uphill battle to reach my goals, at least I’m still in the game.