I’ve traveled A LOT (ok maybe not as much as some but I would wager to say, definitely more than most). I consider myself very lucky for that. But I digress… Since I’ve traveled so much I have loads of hilarious stories (well they make me laugh at least..) so instead of trying to keep everything in chronological order, I’m just going to write the stories that pop into my mind.

SO here is the first one!

In October 2014, my company had its annual meeting in New Orleans. We have a meeting every year in some random location. The year before (2013) was Orlando and this year (2015) will be Austin.

Everyone I know LOVES NOLA… And in many ways, I do too but really only in the mornings when the zombie-like hoard of the drunk masses are sleeping off their debauchery and I can enjoy the history and magic of a city in many ways still frozen in time. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll see plenty of photos of my drinking and having a good time. But the whole concept of getting wasted in public just seems less appealing with age (and when in close proximity to my bosses….)

But getting back to the story… Before even getting on the plane to go to NOLA, I was inspected twice by TSA. Didn’t really bother me or anything. Once was a wipe of the hands for what I can either assume was explosives or ebola (as this was the height of the whole scare) and then a VERY friendly TSA dog came up and sniffed my crotch. Ok Cool. I actually wanted to pet the dog, but that’s frowned upon (stupid TSA always hashing my mellow). I got to NOLA, grabbed my bag and caught a cab to the French Quarter and my hotel (too bad I can’t make a Fresh Prince of Bellaire rap for this…). Once I got checked in I decided I needed to go get food. Two of the company’s other employees were already there so we all went together (oh the perks of a company card). And this is where shit gets real….

We were just outside the hotel (on Burbon St.) and started walking toward Jackson Square… When a BMW SUV drives by, splashing us all with.. you guessed it.. SEWER/GUTTER WATER!!!

Now being exceptionally OCD and germaphobic (which is not ideal for any person who loves travel), having just bid goodbye to a very important person in my life to a job/life in Nigeria (where Ebola was “raging”) and having an insanely wicked cold… I nearly had a mental breakdown and died (at least on mostly the inside I hope…) and they thought being drench in disgusting water was comical…. I had fancy new clothes on (I had to look the part of an important person right?) and was drenched! We made it to where we decided to eat, ate and left. I heard someone mention a CVS being somewhere in the square and it was like a beacon of holy light when I saw it! We all went inside, they guys bought booze because apparently, you can do that in Louisiana, while I headed to the cleaning aisle. I found what I was looking for. They were contented with their various spirits and we headed out. And then I did something that I gave no fucks about but I will get teased about forever.

In the middle of Jackson Square, I took the aerosol can of Lysol out of the bag and sprayed my entire body up and down several times. Were all eyes on me? Probably. Did I then or do I really now care? HELL NO!!

My cold eventually went away and I did not contract Ebola.