One of those days….
Yesterday was those days. Complete crap. Not because something majorly bad happened or anything like that. It was just one of those days that you see your old friends “reality” and “truth” and instead of the usual gentle greeting, you get a big ole’ bear hug that squeezes the life out of you. Just to remind you that they’re there.
It started off like any day. Woke up. Didn’t want to get out of bed but finally rolled out (literally), got dressed and ready, walked my dog, stopped for coffee and then got to work. I’ve been super busy lately (and frankly very overwhelmed) at work as I’m the lead on a specific project that could go very well or horribly wrong. So far, it’s been going pretty good but I’ll knock on wood (because I’m stupidly superstitious like that).
But for some reason, around 9 or 10 (and maybe I need to stop looking at my Instagram and conversing with other travelers), it just hit me like of ton a bricks. This is not the life I want! And my first instinct was to either go “Office space” (movie about a guy from the 90’s who hates his job) and destroy my cubicle or run out of the building screaming. But I held it together. I didn’t do either of those things.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am incredibly thankful for my job and for the life it provides me. It took some tough years to get to where I am. Which is why I basically question my sanity everyday about considering leaving. But because I am unattached (no boyfriend and no kids), I can have this chance to do what I’ve always dreamed off and go off for a year and travel. My sort of delayed gap year.
In the US we typically go straight from high school to university. No time in between to find out our passions or what we want to do. No room for discovering anything more about ourselves than what we already know. And to me this is a complete tragedy. One Shakespeare couldn’t even fathom.
Once at college, we have to pick a major. Of course you can always change it but doing so comes with a whole set of its own bureaucratic bullshit problems And while college is supposed to be the time in which you “find yourself” the only place I found myself was buried under piles of books and assignments (and after graduation….debt). I can honestly say, I’ve learned more about myself, my passions and what I want in life since graduating.
So now that I have this time of being unattached, the resources to make it happen and the INTENSE desire, flipping my desk and running out of the building screaming, after some strategic planning of course, doesn’t really seem like such a bad idea. And there is also that fact, that I don’t want to regret letting myself miss out on such an opportunity out of fear of what could happen. Because let’s face it, there are an infinite number of things that could happen and I can’t even begin to guess at any of them.